EPL Review of the Week - Everyone attempts Goal of the Month

Given that the recently selection of contenders for Goal of the Month was relatively weak, it seems that the Premier League's players have become hell-bent on proving a point and taking even the most unbelievable shots from outside the area. Van Persie, Elano, Emre, Gardner, even 'Player of the 2002 World Cup' Nicky Butt scored a peach. Plenty for us to salivate over then come the Goal of the Weekend competition...

We start our round-up at the Emirates Stadium where Arsenal and Sunderland played out a 5 goals thriller. Robin van Persie broke the sound barrier with his thunderous free kick to give the Gunners the lead, before Senderos doubled it with his first goal of the season. The Black Cats rallied, and pulled one back soon after when Ross Wallace rifled a loose ball into the net, and then Kenwyn Jones equalised after the break with a towering header. Arsenal were not about to give up their lead at the top of the table, as Van Persie shot low past Craig Gordon to give the home side a 3-2 victory.

Martin Jol kept his employment prospects alive (just) with a 2-2 draw at Anfield. Voronin took the lead for the Reds after Robinson could only parry Gerrards free kick, before 2 defensive lapses allowed the superb Robbie Keane to give Jol's team the lead. But Fernando Torres popped up at the last to head home and equalise.

Newcastle pulled off a good 3-2 win over Everton at St James park on Sunday. Butt fired the home side in front with a well taken goal before Andy "Andrew" Johnson equalised with his first goal of the season. With 5 minutes to go, an Emre rocket found the bottom corner, before substitute Michael Owen shouldered in a 3rd. Shay Given's impression of a twat falling over gave Everton a lifeline, but it was too little too late.

2 stunning goals from Elano gave Man City a comprehensive 3-1 victory over an indifferent Middlesbrough side. Chris Riggott headed in to his own net before the Brazilian in blue dominated the show with a fine strike from outside the box, and then a curling free kick. Hutchinson pulled one back late on for the Teesside club.

Chelsea scored their first Premier League goal since August as they defeated Bolton 1-0. The Blues got their goal through Salomon Kalou, who kept his composure as he rounded the 'keeper and held off defenders to fire low into the net. If that's all Chelski can muster against a poor 19th placed team, their fans better start panicking (if they haven't already).

Portsmouth defeated Fulham 2-0 at Craven Cottage, a good result when you consider their home form. Benjani followed up his hat-trick last week with a goal this time round, before Herman Hreidarsson grabbed the second.

At Ewood Park, Birmingham succumbed to a 2-1 defeat to a stronger Blackburn side. Bentley got the ball rolling with a fine turn and shot, and then Benni McCarthy scored from the penalty spot. Cameron Jerome scored a smashing volley, but the away side couldn't find an equaliser.

Finally on Sunday, Derby lost again away to a Reading team in need of a good result. Kevin Doyle scored the only goal of the game, I expect both teams to be hovering about or in the relegation zone come the end of the season.

So to Saturday, and Man Utd defeated Wigan 4-0 with a quick flurry of goals. Tevez scored his first for the Old Trafford side after turning 2 defenders and the goalkeeper inside before firing home. Ronaldo grabbed a brace, one a header, the other after racing onto Wayne Rooney's cross, before said player completed the scoring with a header of his own.

Aston Villa narrowly defeated West Ham 1-0 at Villa Park. A Craig Gardner free kick doing the damage to extend their unbeaten run in the English top flight.

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EPL Review of the Week - Everyone goes Goal Crazy!... Except Chelsea

Poor Avram Grant. If only he had the attacking force of Portsmouth then maybe he could get a goal. I mean, with Chelsea's spending power, you hope that they'd have the ability to buy players such as Benjani, Kranjcar and Sean Davis. Why waste your millions on average joes like Drogba, Kalou and Shevchenko (OK, the sarcasm stops there, Shevchenko is awful).

The game of the weekend was undoubtedly the 7-4 thriller down at Portsmouth, where said team and Reading played out the highest scoring game of Premier League history. If I gave a detailed report, I'd be here all week, so here's a list of scorers for you. Oh, and both keeper's gave a fantastic lesson on how NOT to keep.
Portsmouth: Benjani (3), Hreidarsson, Kranjcar, Davis, Muntari (pictured)
Reading: Hunt, Kitson, Long, Shorey

Contrast that with clean-sheets aplenty as Chelski drew more blanks than Tom Cruise. Despite having infinite shots on goal, the Blues came close to losing to a spirited Fulham side in the dying moments. Sheva was awful yet again, confirming my doubts, finding Row XZ with worrying regularity. He was subbed and booed, as was Chelsea at the final whistle. With Valencia up next, worrying times are ahead for Boss Nass and co.

Not many have mentioned this, but full credit to Fulham, for providing an excellent account of themselves at Stamford Bridge. 0-0s away to mammoth clubs are hard to come by, whether they're in a crisis or not.

Villa and Spurs also showed Chelsea how it's done by playing out a 4-4 draw on Monday night. Tottenham took the lead through Berbatov, before the home side scored 4 in a row to give them a seemingly unassailable lead. However, the north Londoners showed great spirit to come back, with a goal from Kaboul in the final minute equalising the game. Will it be enough to save Jol?

Man City signalled their intentions of becoming a top 4 club with a convincing win over Newcastle. Petrov was on fire again with 2 assists and a goal, with a 30 yard stunning free kick from Elano the pick of the goals.

At the bottom of the table, the crunch game between Derby and Bolton ended 1-1. Derby's striker, and saviour-to-be(?) Kenny Miller opened the scoring, before Nicolas Anelka grabbed an equaliser. I'm surprised the stroppy one hasn't packed his bags yet.

For the other members of the 'Big Four', 1-0 away wins were the order of the day. Birmingham, West Ham and Wigan all succumbed eventually to Man Utd, Arsenal and Liverpool respectively, with Ronaldo, Van Persie and Benayoun nicking the goals.

In the other 2 games, Everton beat Middlesbrough 2-0 thanks to goals from Pienaar and Lescott (damn Yobo being in my fantasy team and not Lescott). Bentley and Santa Cruz scored to give Blackburn a 2-1 victory over Sunderland. Grant Leadbitter scored a late consolation for the Black Cats.

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Carling Cup Review - Man Utd Kids are gunned down by Coventry

Football's a funny old game. Firstly, your team beats Chelsea 2-0 at a canter, debatably the best team in the country. Then you host Coventry City (who were humped 4-1 by Ipswich Town at the weekend), and produce an abysmal display to lose 2-0.

It is what makes football great. Compare this with rugby. If a team dominates possession, it is almost impossible to score points, and stop points from being conceded. However with football, the strikers' shooting could be wayward, and your team might grab a sneaky goal (I'm looking at Scotland 0-40 NZ, and Scotland 1-0 France here).

While Man Utd did change their entire team from their win on Sunday, they still boasted the likes of Brown, Carrick, Nani, O'Shea, Dong and Anderson in their squad, which makes Coventry's victory all the more impressive.

Michael Mifsud was the hero for the sky blues, scoring his first from a cross before blasting a ball high into the net for his second. If Man Utd ever suffer an injury crisis, then I'd expect their form to dip, unlike Arsenal whose youngsters outclasses a full-strength Newcastle side.

Chelsea got back to winning ways in their potential banana-skin game, beating Hull 4-0. 2 nets from Kalou, a strike from Sidwell and a first ever Chelsea goal for youngster Scott Sinclair saw off the home side.

Aston Villa's miserable record in cup competitions continued after they suffered a disappointing 1-0 loss to Leicester. A Fryatt strike 16 minutes from time was enough to to see the Foxes progress to the last 16.

Lawrie Sanchez was left fuming after an incorrect offside decision cost his team a goal against Bolton last night. Danny Guthrie opened for the Wanderers before David Healy equalised. However Stelios had the final say in extra time to see Bolton go through.

Tottenham dominated their game against Middlesbrough and won a deserved 2-0 victory. Gareth Bale continued his fine start to the season with a goal, and then Tom Huddleston completed the scoring to ease the pressure on boss Martin Jol.

Bentley, Derbyshire and Santa Cruz all scored against Birmingham to give Blackburn a 3-0 easy win in their 3rd round tie. City had 'keeper Richard Kingston sent to hospital after a collision with the post, but he was released in good condition today.

It was the Yakubu-McFadden show against Sheffield Wednesday as Everton cruised through with a 3-0 victory. Yakubu set up 2 McFadden goals before the Scot returned the favour, setting up the Toffees new signing to strike home in the 85th minute.

The final game saw Dean Ashton drive home a volley in injury time to fend off a spirited Plymouth side. It was 0-0 until the blonde bullet popped up and finished with a goal worthy of winning any game.

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Carling Cup Review - Hat-Trick Torres fires Liverpool to 1st win in 4

Liverpool went through to the last 16 of the Carling Cup thanks to a hat-trick from £25 million man Fernando Torres.

Yossi Benayoun opened the scoring for the Reds with a fine solo goal before Bobby Convey smashed home a tremendous volley to equalise. Some good movement and a neat finish gave Torres his first but Reading equalised again through John Halls after a goalmouth scramble. Torres then showed his class by powering home his 2nd from Riise's cross, and then walking the ball into the net after beating the 'keeper to claim his 1st Liverpool hat-trick.

In the other all Premier League encounter, Arsenal needed 2 late goals to fend off a determined Newcastle. With an average age of just 20, the young gunners did superbly, and broke the deadlock with 8 minutes to go when Bendtner headed home. Senderos made a superb clearance off the line from Obafemi Martins shot, before Denilson's stunning drive ensured Arsenal's progress to the next round.

The 2 other Premier League clubs in action last will join them, after Man City and Portsmouth both recorded 1-0 wins over Norwich and Burnley respectively. Samaras scored a last gasp winner to send Man City through, while David Nugent scored the only goal for Pompey after dubiously controlling the ball with his hand.

Cardiff recorded an impressive 4-2 victory over West Brom at the Hawthorns to progress. It was 4-0 even before half an hour had struck. Robbie Fowler opened the scoring after 4 minutes before Hasselbaink scored from 20 yards out. A Fowler penalty made in 3-0 and then Trevor Sinclair tucked it home for 4. West Brom responded when Ishmael Miller scored 3 minutes after, and he grabbed his second from the penalty spot near the end.

Sheffield United eased past League Two side Morecambe after a 5-0 win. Billy Sharp and Luton Shelton both scored twice while Hendrie grabbed the other. The pick of the goals was the Blades fifth, when Shelton grabbed his brace after a 20 yard curler.

The only shock of the night came when League One Luton beat Championship side Charlton 3-1 at home. Dean Sinclair opened the scoring for the visitors, only for Steve Robinson to score a superb equalising volley. The match went into extra time before Spring and Talbot wrapped up the win.

Finally, Blackpool knocked out Southend after a 2-1 victory. Southend took the lead from a Matt Harrold penalty, but Blackpool equalised through Scott Vernon with just 9 minutes left. Substitute Michael Jackson grabbed the winner in the dying seconds of extra time.

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EPL Predictions - Result

This is the part where we find out if we need a new crystal ball or not... (Remember it's 1 point getting either side of the score correct, 1 point for getting the outcome correct).

Arsenal 5-0 Derby (We said 3-0, 2 points)
Fulham 1-1 Man City (We said 1-1, 1 point)
Liverpool 2-0 Birmingham (We said 0-0, 1 point)
Middlesbrough 2-2 Sunderland (We said 2-2, cha-ching 3 points!)
Reading 2-1 Wigan (We said 1-1, and it was until the last minute, 1 point)
Aston Villa 2-0 Everton (We said 2-1, 2 points)
Blackburn 0-1 Portsmouth (We said 0-1, another 3 in the bag!)
Bolton 1-1 Spurs (We said 0-3, nil points)
Man Utd 2-0 Chelsea (We said 0-0, 1 point)
Newcastle 3-1 West Ham (We said 2-2, a dissappointing 0 points)

14/30 - Not bad. Better than Lawro who managed a measley 10. Can I get a job at the BBC yet? Anyone?

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EPL Review - 5 Star Arsenal Stay Top while Chelsea Crash and Burn

OK, maybe crash and burn was a bit strong, but they look in serious trouble minus Mr Mourinho.

Man Utd ran out comfortable 2-0 winners over Chelsea in the weekend's main fixture, moving up to 2nd in the process. Obi-Mikel was harshly sent off in the first half, killing off whatever attacking threat the Blues had. A wonderful cross from Giggs was met by a poorly marked Tevez to give him his first goal for the club. Saha then won a penalty and converted it to make it 2-0. Read more about Chelsea's plight as they slip to 6th.

Arsenal destroyed Derby 5-0 thanks to a 1st professional hat-trick for Adebayor and the ever impressive Fabregas. He set up one and smashed in one from long range, however the pick of the goals was a 25 yard drive from lanky midfielder Diaby. The Rams at the bottom of the table, in want of better words, look screwed.

Another 3-3 thriller was played out at Craven Cottage in the game between Fulham and Man City. Simon Davies opener was cancelled out by Martin Petrov's shot, before a thunderous strike from Bouazza restored Fulham's lead. However, Emile Mpenza headed in the equaliser, and then the inspired Petrov took the lead for City with a great finish from a tight angle. But Danny Murphy came off the bench to grab the winner and restore parity. Fulham remain 17th while Man City drop to 3rd.

Liverpool played out their 3rd draw in a row and dropped to 4th against a stubborn Birmingham side. Rafa Benitez once again dropped Torres to the bench, trying to cover up his error with the excuse that 'Birmingham were tough through the middle and we needed wide players'. I see that starting with 2 centre forwards Voronin and Kuyt has clearly justified that remark.

Bolton and Spurs remain in 19th and 18th place respectively, after a 1-1 draw that does either side no favours. Jaaskelainen was on top form for the home side, but couldn't stop Robbie Keane's opener. Ivan Campo levelled with a header that left Robinson rooted. Surely time is almost up for all managers in the bottom 3?

Newcastle leapfrogged West Ham into 5th after an impressive 3-1 home victory. Viduka grabbed a double (including a 2-shinned tap in), before N'Zogbia grabbed the 3rd. Big Sam proceeded to celebrate by starting a mosh pit with his coaches (please tell me I wasn't the only one to see that). Obafemi Martins missed literally an open goal (curse him being in by fantasy team), while blonde bullet Dean Ashton grabbed the away side's only goal. The Hammers drop to 7th. Oh, and Owen injured himself (hardly news is it?).

Aston Villa jump above Everton on goal difference after winning 2-0 at home. Some comical headers from the Toffees allowed John Carew to open the scoring, before great awareness, control and finishing from young Agbonlahor secured the win. Both teams sit in 8th an 9th place.

Kanu's composed finish gave Pompey a 1-0 victory over Blackburn. The Nigerian beat 2 defenders and the keeper before sliding the ball past Samba on the line. Portsmouth join Rovers on 9 points in 11th and 10th place respectively.

Sunderland drew 2-2 at Middlesbrough, taking the lead through Leadbitter and equalising at the death thanks to a wonder strike from Liam Miller. Stuart Downing and Julio Arca scored for the home side, which leaves both teams mid-table.

Finally, Reading secured a vital 2-1 win over Wigan which lifts them out of the drop-zone. Dave Kitson and Marcus Bent traded strikes, before a fabulous reverse pass from Kitson found James Harper, who tucked it away in the dying minutes. Wigan drop 2 places to 12th.

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EPL Goal of the week - Adebayor

Fabregas' long range effort was good, but Adebayor's was one of those goal's that makes you exhale in a sort of 'Phwoaaarr' fashion. Just outside the edge of the box being closely marked, his first touch flicked the ball up to waist height, before lashing home a volley past the despairing Robinson. Brilliant.

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English Premier League Weekend Review

It's Monday, and that can only mean one thing! No not more work you cynics, it's the Weekend review of the Barclays "Barclays Premiership" Premier League, sponsered by Barclays.

Arsenal top the table to a masterful midfield display from Snr Fabregas and an absolute peach from the long-legged Adebayor. It was at the expense of Tottenham who find themselves languishing in 17th place, despite Gareth Bale's best efforts.

Both halves of Manchester are back to their winning ways which sees both in Champion's league places. That'll be the 7th 1-0 that either Manchester side have had this season, further emphasising their dullness.

Jose was left fuming after an incorrect offside decision during the 0-0 draw with Blackburn. He proceeded to rip a TV monitor out of its socket before gesticulating with gusto at the ref. Post-match he then bizarrely claiming he could 'smell' the goal. Sounds more sensible than Blackburn manager Hughes, who apparently agreed with the linesman that it was offside. Disturbing.

Liverpool relinquished their grasp on top spot thanks to a strong display from Pompey and a 0-0 draw. 'Arry Redknapp will be thankful that he won't face a member of the big 4 until Christmas time.

Good wins for Sunderland, Birmingham and West Ham see them jump up the table, while Bolton and Reading look in real trouble already. Wigan played out a 1-1 draw with Fulham, yank Clint Dempsey impressing yet again.

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