Respect to Curtis Davies

"I was just awful. I didn't contribute anything.

"I've been bigging myself up, saying I'm ready and obviously I'm not. I'm not good enough to get in the team yet.

"I'm honest with myself in every performance and that was rubbish - I looked like a pub team player."

Good on you Curtis. Not many players would have the guts to say that. I doubt though that this is enough for the Villa fans to forgive you for a nightmare performance.

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Mourinho's quotes are gone... enter Martin Jol!

Martin Cornelius Jol (yes that is his middle name) has stepped up to the plate as Soundbite Man of the Premier League following his 2 hilarious analogies at the weekend:

"I'm not Michael Jackson. I'm not a lover, I'm a fighter."
I'm sorry Tony Soprano, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that, with your heavy frame, you can neither dance nor make love well, but would probably make mince-meat out of the next football manager.

"When things are going well, you are in the bath, and it is warm. However, I'm out the bath now and it's cold out of the bath."
I think a cold shower is what you need.

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Redknapp to join Avram at Chelsea?!!

Various newspapers this morning have suggested that footballing genius Jamie Redknapp will join Avram Grant's management team.

Is he just being hired to persuade his cousin Frank Lampard to stay on? Chelsea fans must be hoping he doesn't advise Mr Grant on anything football-wise.

"Cristiano isn't the best player you will ever see, but tonight he has shown he is probably the best player you will ever see." A classic gem from Jamie.

"I think Peter Schmeichel will be like a father-figure for Kasper." No shit Sherlock.

"Holy hell, are my new boxers made of wool? Because my weasel's getting heatstroke" Ooooookay.

"Yeah I think Chelsea deserved to win. They were the better team." Cuts to interview with Jose Mourinho, Ad Break followed by interview with Martin O'Neill. Richard Keys: "So Jamie, do you agree with either manager?" Jamie: "I disagree with Jose. I don't think Chelsea did deserve to win. Only two shots on target all game isn't enough so no I don't think they deserved to win." Idiot.

"If you're going to get in behind Rio Ferdinand you've got to show him what you've got and then go in hard." You'll be arrested as well as sacked if you give that sort of advice Jamie.

On second thoughts, it could make up for the loss of hilarious quotes that Mourinho regularly gave us. We say 'Redknapp for Chelsea!'

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Mourinho's Top 10 Chelsea Quotes

1. If I wanted to have an easy job... I would have stayed at Porto - beautiful blue chair, the Uefa Champions League trophy, God, and after God, me.

2. For me, pressure is bird flu. I'm feeling a lot of pressure with the problem in Scotland. It's not fun and I'm more scared of it than football.

3. A player from Man City showed half of his ass for two seconds and it was a big nightmare. But this is a real nightmare. (On Cech's injury)

4. It was like they parked the team bus in front of the goal! (On Chelsea 0, Spurs 0)

5. It was a goal that came from the moon. (On Liverpool's controversial goal against Chelsea)

6. I don't think we are so ugly that we should be seen as the devil and I don't think Arsene Wenger and David Dein are so beautiful that they should be viewed as angels.

7. Places like this are the soul of English football. The crowd is magnificent, saying 'f*** off Mourinho' and so on. (On Bramall Lane)

8. We have top players and, sorry if I'm arrogant, we have a top manager. I believe I am a Special One.

9. I think he is one of these people who is a voyeur. He likes to watch other people. There are some guys who, when they are at home, have a big telescope to see what happens in other families. He speaks, speaks, speaks about Chelsea. (On Arsene Wenger)

10. The style of how we play is very important. But it is omelettes and eggs. No eggs - no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have class one, two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem. (Jose saves his best for last)

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