Weird Searches

Well, it's been just over a month since Liquid Football was launched, but there have been some strange keyphrases put into Google which people have used to find this site... here's a few of our favourites:

aberdeen email directory @hotmail.com 2007
I have no idea for what crazy reason you want the whole aberdeen hotmail directory... if such a thing exists.

alan shearer tight trousers pictures
Hahahaha. Anyone else fancy some pictures of Alan Shearer wearing tight trousers?

anagram of david healy
Emmm... how about 'hi dead lavy'?

emre football nude
Right, we know that David Nugent and Leroy Lita like to take pictures of themselves with their kit off, but it doesn't apply to every footballer! We didn't think Emre was that good-looking either. There you go.

sexy footballers from rubbish teams
Strange, I pondered writing an article about this, but then thought that no one would be interested. I was clearly mistaken.

what makes a football kick successful?
Emmm... hitting it would be a good start!

why my fifa 08 cracked goes in slow motion?
Maybe because it's cracked?!?!

phil babb into post
Straight to the point. We like it. Here it is again for those who missed it:

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Comic Football Defending!

In honour of Liverpool's masterclass in how not to defend, here's a wonderful video of a similar football defensive cock-up. Enjoy!



The wee kid going berserk in the background is the icing on the humiliation cake.

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Scotland Can Beat Buffon With Practice

Which is why I recommend this top notch game from Puma Football! It's basically just another footy shoot-out game, but actually with Buffon in the sticks, performing a set of pre-recorded saves / misses.

Score plenty, he goes off into a tantrum. Score few, he begins taunting in typical Italian comic fashion. We reckon Scotland forwards should give this a go, ideal preparation for November's crunch game against Italy.

Puma Football Game - Click here.

Kudos to Who Ate All The Pies

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Worst Corner Kick... Ever

Well, at least he didn't concede a goal kick...



Kudos to The Offside.

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10 Incidents That Will Occur During England vs. Estonia

0' - The 3 lions, all eleven of them, line up for the national anthem. McLaren goes with Rooney and Owen up front, Lamps and Stevie G in the middle, and there's the surprise inclusion of Gareth Southgate in the centre of defence following Terry's withdrawal. McLaren beforehand spoke of his 'invaluable experience' and 'excellent heading skills' that he brings to the team.

1' - GOAL! Estonia kick off and try an audacious lob from the half-way line. Robinson has it covered, before an apparent huge divot redirects the ball away from the England 'keeper and into the net. John Motson seems adamant that the ball hit the post.

3' - Michael Owen ruptures something. Out for 6 months. Same old, same old. Peter Crouch is brought on.

22' - Some vague reference is made to 1966 by Motty, followed by an even vaguer reference to the Rugby World Cup.

40' - After Rooney claps his teammates for encouragement, the referee sends him off. Crouch becomes the lone striker. Looks scarily familiar to Smiling Steve's previous tactics...

Half-Time - During the interval, some top quality chat is bounced around between Lineker, Hansen, Shearer and Wright. Shearer's football expertise produces this statement:
"...I agree with Alan Hansen. But you know, we wouldn't be down at half-time if they just had more Portsmouth players. They'll be a top 4 side soon don't you know? Look! All my arrows and circles that I've drawn on the telly prove this... definitely."

60' - GOAL! Lampard, who after misplacing his 43rd pass of the game, scores a lucky deflected goal in the box. Cue scenes of jubilation and comments such as "Who said Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard couldn't play together?" from Lawro.

73' - Not much time left and McLaren, who is simultaneously playing this game on Champ Man, throws his tactical dice. Barry comes on at left back.

85' - Penalty to England! Up steps Southgate who, now aged 57, has a chance to redeem himself after THAT penalty miss against Germany. Unfortunately, Stelios Giannakopolous pops a balloon in the crowd, putting Gareth off, and the ball high into the stands. Southgate is subbed for the more defensively astute Wes Brown.

90' + 3 - GOAL! Crouch leaps high into the air, holding at least 5 sets of dreadlocks before completing an acrobatic scissor kick. "He's not got a bad touch for a big lad" quotes the ever original Wrighty.

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East Fife Could Have Beaten AC Milan... Maybe

With Celtic's win over AC Milan, making them unofficial European champions, we make the sensational claim that East Fife could have done the same thing. How? Let us explain...

East Fife recently beat St Mirren 2-1 in a cup tie.
St Mirren beat Falkirk, who beat Motherwell, who beat Hibs in the SPL.
Hibs were the last team to beat Celtic in a 4-2 encounter, so by using very simple logic, East Fife have become the greatest team in Europe! Well, they're not at the top of the Scottish 3rd Division for no reason...

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Hat-trick weekend!

How do you spend your Saturday afternoons? I like my day off with a nice cold Grolsch, coupled with some left-over Chinese/Indian/Pizza, and of course Jeff Stelling on my TV screen.

During my usual 6 hour dosage of Sky Sports Soccer Saturday (the best thing ever to hit Freeview), I noticed Mr Stelling exclaiming that there was 'yet another hat-trick' in such and such game. Indeed, there were an unusual amount of three-goal heroes flashing up on the videprinter.

In light of this, I went hunting for all hat-trick scorers in Scotland and England, and found no fewer than 6! Six! It truly deserves the title of 'Hat-trick' weekend, so here at Liquid Football, we have decided to honour those who can repeatedly hit a cow's arse with a banjo.

Benjani Mwaruwari (Portsmouth 7-4 Reading)
Anthony Elding (Stockport 3-1 Brentford)
Stuart Fleetwood (Forest Green 3-1 Cambridge Utd)
Scott McDonald (Celtic 3-0 Dundee Utd)
Clayton Donaldson (Hibs 4-1 Kilmarnock)
Paul McManus* (East Fife 7-0 Stenhousemuir) *4 goals

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Heskey Out For 3 Months With Broken Toe

Looks like he may be needing one of these then...

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