Me. Apparently. After all due to my lack of foresight I will be unable to watch what will surely be one of the most defining and grandioso weekends in the English football calendar.
Instead of sitting down at Bert's Bar with a pint in one hand and semi-willing girlfriend in the other, eagerly anticipating Super-Uber-Duper-Gluber-Juper Sunday (or whatever Sky calls it these days), I will be rolling eggs down hills, and listening to my grandmother regale of many an Easter gone by. I find it hard to imagine greater hells.
That last sentence was perhaps a tad strong. I find it incredible easy to imagine greater hells. One such occassion being when I forgot that the Champions League Final was on the same night that I was meant to be judging some sodding school talent contest. This was made all the more worse that it was THAT final between Milan and Liverpool.
So, in order that I (and you dear reader) might avoid precious family meet-ups and meaningless social events with some sort of "illness" or "prior engagement", I've compiled a list of 8 dates that you absolutely cannot miss. If you take your football seriously, write these down in your diary. Now.
Sunday 23rd March - Chelsea v Arsenal / Man Utd v Liverpool
Grand Slam Sunday. Chelsea could turn the table on its head by leapfrogging Arsenal and potentially Man Utd in the space of a few hours.
Saturday 5th April - Arsenal v Liverpool
The 2nd of 3 back-to-back meetings between the two sides. So much at stake for both sides in the league as well as the previous game will make this a cracking encounter.
Tuesday 8th April - Liverpool v Arsenal
The key second leg should set up a tie with Chelsea for a place in the Champions League Final.
Sunday 13th April - Man Utd v Arsenal
Arsenal's final real test in the league. This could either seal their death, or seal the EPL title. The same scenario applies for the Red Devils...
Saturday 26th April - Chelsea v Man Utd
...except that this will be their final test. You can almost guarantee that the outcome of this game will have a seismic bearing on the outcome of the league.
Tuesday 29th / Wednesday 30th April - Man Utd v Barcelona
A speculative fixture, but if both teams progress against their quarter-final opponents as expected, mouths will water at the prospect of Europe's 2 most attractive football teams go head to head for a place in the CL final.
17th May - Portsmouth / West Brom v Barnsley / Cardiff
A chance to see one of the Big Four NOT lift the coveted FA Cup... and an opportunity for a Championship side to grab glory in a competition that has been full of upsets.
21st May - Chelsea v Barcelona
If the bookies are to be trusted, these two rivals will face each other again in Europe's premier soccer competition, but this time for the trophy itself. It could also be Liverpool v Man Utd, Chelsea v Roma, or perhaps Shalke v Fenerbahce. Any way, it'll be a cracking contest.
I think the main message here is keep every weekend free and most midweeks off. The run-in is going to be one of the greatest of all time.
Diary? Who needs a diary?
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Champions League Final vs. Superbowl
As a fan of the original code, I'd never given much thought to watching our American counterparts' version of football. Until last night.
It was with low expectations that I began to watch the 42nd Superbowl, brought on by the British prejudice that American football is just a poor man's rugby, and the football fan's opinion that rugby is for fat kids who can't play soccer.
I was pleasantly surprised. At points I was glued to the TV, fascinated by every little detail of action. My interest was rewarded when the Giants pulled off an incredible victory in the final minute of action; a thrilling end to a thrilling encounter.
I then asked myself, was that game more enjoyable than it's European equivalent, the Champion's League final? A very good American football match, or a mediocre yet prestigious football final? Comparing the 2 matches I managed to find 5 reasons why it was... and 5 why it wasn't.
5 reasons why the Superbowl was better:
1. Awesome Ending
The Giants, 14-10 down with 2 minutes to go, have to find a touchdown soon if they want to snatch the Superbowl. Eli Manning, the Giants quarterback, shrugs off 3 defenders and delivers a perfect 32 yard pass to Tyree. Shortly after with just 59 seconds on the clock, Giants get the touchdown they need to secure victory. Enthralling.
2. Tough Players
A man can have 4 players on pile on top of him, and then still be able to get up and celebrate hanging onto the ball. In the Champion's League, if you lean on a player they'll fall over grasping their leg crying for the stretcher. Wimps.
3. Referees Can Referee
One pet hate of soccer fans is that the man in the middle can bugger up even the most basic of decisions. American football combat this by having several refs who can spot even the most minor of infringements. Letting the coaches challenge decisions also makes the game fairer.
4. Unpredictability
The Patriots were expected to walk it this year. They didn't, which added to the occassion. Compare that with last year's Champions League, when favourites AC Milan ran out 2-1 victors over Liverpool.
5. Single Moment of Genius
In the Champion's League Final, there was plenty of decent play, attacking football and chances for both sides. But the moment that defined the final was a poor attempt by Liverpool's defence to play Inzaghi offside. The Superbowl however had that terrific catch from Tyree which set up New York's final touchdown. A moment that will be played over and over again in the year to come.
5 reasons why the Champions League Final was better:
1. A Match Doesn't Last 4 Hours
I lost count of the amount of times that there was a break in play due to a time-out or change from 'offense' to 'defense'. And for some reason, there's a 2 minute stop each time the ball goes out of play. Talk about stop-start.
2. There's No Nonsense at Half-Time
The good thing about soccer, is that half-time lasts 15 minutes, and gives pundits and fans alike the chance to analyise and discuss the first half's action. The bad thing about the Superbowl is that half-time lasts twice as long, and is filled by some unnecessary concert consisting of an ageing, has-been rock band.
3. Better Trophy
Bigger = better.
4. The Match Ends When It's Supposed To.
Not one second before, causing even more palaver and time delays (sorry, but it was 3am in the UK, well past my bed time).
5. World Champions?
Winning the Champions League means that you are European champions, and rightly so considering you have to defeat the best teams from around Europe. Winning the Superbowl however means you are World champions, somewhat strangely when you've only played teams from North America.
Did anyone else watch both the Superbowl and last year's Champions League Final? Which one did you prefer to watch? Do you have any other reasons in mind why one football is better than the other? Feel free to leave your comments below:
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Stat of the Day - Top Thrashings In The Champions League
After Slavia Prague's humiliation at the hands of Arsenal in the Champions League, here's some other scorelines that you definitely don't want to be on the wrong end of. (Links lead to Video Highlights)
Marseille 6-0 CSKA Moscow 92/93 - The first ever 'humping' in the Champions League.
PSG 7-2 Rosenborg 00/01 - Remember when PSG were actually half-decent?
Leeds 6-0 Besiktas 00/01 - Leeds show Liverpool how it's done.
Real Madrid 6-0 Genk 02/03 - Another fine Belgian performance in Europe.
Monaco 8-3 Deportivo 03/04 - Birthday-boy Dado Prso grabbed 4 in this rout.
Juventus 7-0 Olympiakos 03/04 - The original biggest winning margin.
Lyon 7-2 Werder Bremen 04/05 - This game was billed pre-match as being a very tight encounter. Hmmm.
Man Utd 7-1 Roma 06/07 - Unfortunately for the Red Devils, they used up all their CL goals against Roma, as they failed to make it past AC Milan in the next round.
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Champions League OAP XI
While watching Barcelona v Rangers, I saw Lilian Thuram galloping majestically across the field to end yet another Rangers attack to start another Barcelona move. Then I realised that this guy's been around for ages, and began to wonder how old he was.
35 years old, not bad for a top choice centre back for arguably the best team in world. Then that got me thinking, how would a team comprised of the oldest players in the Champions League fair in Europe's flagship club competition? Not too bad as it turns out:
GK - Jens Lehmann, 37
Mad Jens turns 38 in November, but is still as sprightly as a cocky youth, as can be seen in his warm-up for England vs Germany:
DR - Cafu, 37
The Brazilian full back was once described by Alex Ferguson as having 2 hearts given his immense stamina. Brazil's most capped player currently plies his trade at Roma.
DL - Roberto Carlos, 37
Cafu's opposite Brazilian full-back accompanies him on this team. Bobby-o Carlos, now playing for Fenerbahce, has graced the game with surging runs, spectacular free kicks, and unreal shots, such as this one:
DC - David Weir, 37
The Rangers and Scotland defender is still going strong, even at the ripe old age of 37. He could have joined Celtic at one stage of his career, which would have given the hoops a back 3 of 'Weir, Tebily, Scheidt'.
DC - Paolo Maldini, 39
The oldest of our line up is also arguable the best. Has been a stalwart of AC Milan's defence for over 20 years now, and the club will retire his number when he hangs up his boots.
DC - Lilian Thuram, 35
Ah Lilian, a woman's name for a man's man. Believe it or not his real first name is Ruddy. That's right, Ruddy Lilian Thuram. I put it down to sick French parents.
DMC - Claude Makalele, 34
It's no coincidence that Real Madrid's form dropped when the Frenchman left for Chelsea. Virtually unshakable on the ball, Claude could walk away with most 'unsung hero' awards handed over the years.
ML - Luis Figo, 34
The Golden Boy of Portugal's Golden Generation, Figo has reached the footballing heights with Real Madrid when he won the Champions League in 2002. The second most expensive player of all-time, Figo is currently winding down his career at Inter Milan. Not bad.
MR - Vladimir Smicer, 34
Harsh to say that he's the weak link in the team, but not too much when you consider his team mates. Was an integral part in Liverpool's 2005 Champions League final victory over AC Milan, scoring the second en route to a famous comeback.
AMC - Rui Costa, 35
Back at his old club Benfica, he was also part of Portugal's Golden Generation, and made his mark at Fiorentina and AC Milan, winning one Champion's League Trophy in the process.
FC - Filippo Inzaghi, 34
Still bangs them in like there's no tomorrow, and was the match winner for AC Milan in last season's Champions League final. Cruyff said of the striker, "Look, actually he can't play football at all. He's just always in the right position." With 245 goals in his club career, you may say he can finish a bit too.
We reckon that this set of players would reach the Quarter Finals at least. How well do you reckon this team would fair in the Champions League?
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Which Arsenal Goal Was The Best?
1-0, Cesc Fabregas, 5'
Hleb danced and dribbled in front of 2 Slavia defenders, before laying off to Fabregas, the young Spaniard shifted the ball onto his right, before bending it superbly past the goalie. Rating: 8/10 - Sublime
2-0, David Hubacek (o.g), 24'
A half-cleared corner lands ahead of the onrushing Hleb, who drills it low at goal. Hubacek makes a desperate lunge to divert it, but only succeeds in steering it away from his 'keeper and into the net. Rating 2/10 - Ugly
3-0, Theo Walcott, 41'
A horrible back pass to Vaniak saw the Czech goalie slice the ball to Walcott, who showed excellent composure to sidestep and slot home into the empty net from outside the box. Rating 4/10 - Too easy
4-0, Alexander Hleb, 51'
Eboue passes inside to Rosicky who spots the Belorussian running into space on the left. Hleb receives the ball, cuts inside, before wrong-footing the 'keeper and slotting home at the near post. Rating 7/10 - Slick
5-0, Theo Walcott, 55'
Fabregas lays the ball of perfectly to Hleb, who threads it through to Walcott on the left. The young Englishmen feints inside before driving into the box, and then pokes the ball home in off the post. Rating 8/10 - Beautiful
6-0, Cesc Fabregas, 58'
A masterclass in the art of counter-attacking. From a Slavia corner, the ball finds its way to Hleb, who burns past his opponent on the wing. He centres the ball to Adebayor, who turns, and plays it out wide to Walcott. With his first touch, the 18 year old lays it to the on-rushing Fabregas, who finishes coolly. Rating 9/10 - Breathtaking
7-0, Nicolas Bendtner, 89'
On the right, Bendtner feeds it to Eboue, whose first-touch-back-heeled pass sets the goalscorer free in the box. His 1st touch pokes it past the goalie and defender, before his second prods it into an empty net. Rating 7/10 - Neat
The Winner - You Decide!
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UEFA Are Cowards
UEFA have banned AC Milan goalkeeper Dida for 2 games, and fined Celtic £25,000.
I agree with the banning of Dida, his play-acting was dishonourable, embarrassing and worthy of the amount of abuse that he has received over the past week.
But £25,000 for Celtic? That's about as disproportionate as Peter Crouch being subbed for Shaun Wright-Phillips.
When Michel Platini took over as President of UEFA, he promised to crack down on violence and racial abuse within the game with a zero-tolerance policy. So a slap on the wrist then?
The fan who ran onto the pitch could have done a lot worse. If he had any sort of weapon, even a simple hard object, he had the potential to do some actual harm to Dida. The fine should have been at least 10 times that amount, a serious deterrent to Celtic fans, and a wake up call to security at Parkhead.
So why didn't UEFA fine Celtic more?
Firstly, no actual physical harm was done. The fan ran onto the pitch, tapped Dida on the cheek, and then ran off again. If Dida had been injured, the fine imposed would have been very severe.
Secondly, the game wasn't abandoned due to the fan's actions. When Dida was hit by a flare thrown by Inter Milan Ultras a few years ago, the game was abandoned, and Inter were forced to play several games behind closed doors. A similar punishment was handed out when referee Anders Frisk was hit by a lighter during a Roma game. Both these and the Celtic incident were examples of poor crowd behaviour, but the difference was that the Celtic game continued after.
Thirdly, Celtic had taken internal action. They found the man responsible for the 'attack', banned him for life from Celtic Park, and he was then charged by the police for Breach of the Peace. Had they not punished an individual, UEFA may have laid more blame on the club as a whole, resulting in a bigger punishment.
Finally, in my opinion, UEFA are bottlers. Time and time again, racial abuse and violence occurs at football matches, only for European football's governing body to impose ridiculously low fines on the perpetrators. It is hard to understand why, but it is a further worrying sign that Platini could be all talk and no walk.
As for Celtic, they can count themselves lucky.
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Why Scots Should Support The Old Firm In Europe
I'm tired of hearing Aberdeen, Hearts and Hibs fans waxing lyrically about how they want Rangers to get humped in Europe, or how brilliant it was that Celtic were beaten in the last minute by so and so. These people need to open their minds and shut their mouths for once.
I believe that, if your team's rivals are playing in Europe, you should support them. Even if it's your most hated ones. Crazy? Not really.
You might say "But I hate their guts! It will give me immense satisfaction for them to crash and burn". Fair enough, in your own league, I can understand that, but in Europe it's a different story.
Now, as a Livingston fan, my team may not have any intense rivalries likes some other clubs, but I have had a few nasty experiences with supporters of others. One time, a supporter from an unnamed club glassed my father when he mentioned he supported Livingston. Do I like that club? Not really. Does it bring a smile to my face when they struggle in the league? Sometimes. When they're in Europe, will I support them? Definitely.
You see there's 4 main reasons for doing this:
1. Points Mean Prizes
The further a team goes, the more prize money it will receive. As TV revenue money is quite pitiful in the SPL, the Champions League takes on an added importance. Take Celtic for example, when they went passed the group stage last year, losing narrowly to AC Milan. If they hadn't reached that far, would they have been able to spend so much money on players like Scott Brown and Scott McDonald? I think Hibs would have been mightily chuffed with the £4.4 million they received.
2. UEFA Coefficients
Ever wonder why Spain, England and Italy are allowed 4 teams each to compete in the Champions League, while say Macedonia are only allowed 1? This is because, the better say Arsenal, Chelsea, Man Utd and Liverpool perform, the more European places are freed up for England. So when Rangers qualified for the second round 2 years ago, this kept 3rd place in the SPL open for a UEFA cup place. I wouldn't expect to many Aberdeen fans to complain now.
3. Support The Underdog
As the Old Firm are relative minnows in the Champions League group stages, by supporting the other team, you are supporting the favourite. Which we all know just isn't cool for a neutral. "Hey it's Barca v Rangers tonight, who you going for?" "I'd like to see Barca win". Would you be so happy if they beat say Olympiakos? I think not.
4. Raising The Profile
Do you really want your country to be seen as a minor force in Europe? By not supporting other Scottish clubs in Europe, you are effectively saying that. There's nothing bad about some good football PR, and thanks to Celtic and Rangers' results this week, the European football world is slowly sitting up and taking notice of Scottish football.
Not that sitting in a pub shouting at a TV screen is going to make a difference anyway. :-)
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Who is Best Equipped to Win the Champions League?
In Alan Hansen's BBC Column, he described Manchester Utd as being the 'best equipped to win the Champions League'.
While United may not be everybody's favourites, he has a point. While Hansen isn't saying that the Red Devils are going to win the competition, he is basically saying that they have the greatest strength in depth amongst all the teams participating.
True that Man Utd have a plethora of options up front and in midfield, but their defence could prove to once again be their downfall.
A back 4 of Vidic, Ferdinand, Evra and G. Neville, coupled with Van Der Sar behind, would walk into most teams, but what if things go pear shaped? Wes Brown and John O'Shea are capable back ups, but not world class, and beyond that who's left? Pique? If Man Utd's back-up can't keep out Coventry, how will they fare against Barca, AC Milan et al?
So what about the other British teams involved? As much as I support the Old Firm when in Europe (the better they play, the higher the UEFA coefficient, the more Scottish clubs get into Europe), I don't really see them as having much chance with their 1st team.
Normally, I would have said Chelsea were well equipped, were it not for their managerial worries. They have an excellent set of defenders, a deep midfield, but their attack could be a problem, with Drogba being the only real world class talent.
Arsenal's 1st team look very strong, but what about their backups? Van Persie, Adebayor, Eduardo and Bendtner up front looks solid, as does their array of top midfielders. Their defence looks good too, with even their young guns coping well against Premiership opposition.
And then there's Liverpool, who seem to have an infinite number of players to call upon, with numerous defenders, middlemen and strikers, they do indeed look very strong. Coupled with their excellent track record in European competition, plus the addition of a certain Senor Torres, I would have to say that the Reds are the best equipped to succeed in Europe this season.
But will they win it? My money's on a rejuvenated Real Madrid, but that's for another time.
What do you reckon liquid fans? Do you agree with myself, Mr. Hansen, or do you think Chelsea have the best chance? Feel free to leave your thoughts below.
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FK Zeta fined £9,000 for racist abuse - what's changed?
This is what UEFA president Michel Platini wrote to all 53 presidents of each European Football Association in March this year:
"Violence, abuse and gratuitous insults have become the order of the day in football. This has to stop. The football family as a whole has to set an example. How can we expect the fans to behave properly if we paint such a poor picture of ourselves?
I therefore want the national associations to adopt the same severe approach, at all levels of the football pyramid. This means a policy of zero tolerance against violence and racism, and against inciting such behaviour. The disciplinary bodies have to make full use of their powers. The issue cannot be sidestepped any more; Europe is watching us."
After FK Zeta fans chanted racist abuse at Rangers players while also throwing bottles and lighters onto the pitch, UEFA have fined the club £9,000.
Can the new face of European football be really so ignorant and naive? Thinking that throwing some petty fine at a club will make the problem disappear?
Our fears about Platini have been realised. He appears to talk a lot of ideas without actually having the stones to follow through with them. If this is UEFA's idea of 'Zero Tolerance', I seriously worry for the future of European football.
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Champions League Goal of the Night - Deivid
A surging run by Roberto Carlos, a pass into the middle that's moved to the right, a stepover that leaves the Inter full back on his arse, a pinpoint cross...
And then this:
A goal worthy of winning any game.
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Champions League - Goal of the Night
Take a bow Andrea Pirlo. This is how you take a free kick.
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