Actually, this piece of non-news doesn't even warrant a picture.
1. Did Mike Dean get his cards mixed up?
First things first. It should not have been a red card for Obi Mikel. Yes his studs were showing, but he got the ball and placed his foot in the ground before Evra. The Man Utd # 3 then did some crazy acrobatic front flip before writhing about on the floor, which led to Obi's red card. Another decision he got wrong was the yellow card for Joe Cole. A desperate lunge from behind that caught Cristiano Ronaldo's ankle surely meritted a sending off. Funny how these things even out.
Rooney rightly did not warrant a 2nd yellow for his 'shove' on whining Chasley Cole, and neither did Wes Brown following his tackle on Malouda (the Frenchman did his best impression of leaping salmon). It smacks of desperation that Chelsea were looking for such pathetic excuses regarding their poor performance.
2. Should Ben Haim even be playing for Chelsea?
Was at fault for the first goal after poor marking, nearly conceded a penalty against Rooney, before actually conceding a penalty against Saha.
Why Chelsea acquired his services in the first place is still beyond me. When at Bolton he was competent, but not world class. If Chelsea are going to be challenging for any silverware this season, they need to be looking further than mid-table defenders. His stray legs and eyes cost the Blues dear yesterday.
3. Was it a penalty?
Ben Haim touched Saha, who proceeded to do his best dying swan impression, thus resulting in a penalty. It was by no means a stone waller, but there was contact, and the striker wasn't about to let it go unnoticed.
4. How much trouble are Chelsea in?
Lots. They were unable to test Van der Sar once, and had Cech to thank for keeping the scoreline respectable. They lacked threat, cohesion or any sort of desire, something that will be hard to instill after the departure of the Special One. Chelsea better hope Lampard, Carvalho and Drogba are up to the task of carrying a sinking ship once they return from injury. A very ordinary performance from the 'Ordinary One'.
5. Guess what we saw...
Was that Dutch manager Marco van Basten sitting behind Abramovich during the game? Don't worry, we're professional enough to not read anything into that... honest.
6. Finally, some interesting MOTD pundits
At first, I was slightly sceptical about Marcel Desailly's punditry skills, but him and Hansen had a right old go at each other over the game. The Scot brought out his figures and claimed that Chelsea were not in title winning form. Marcel responded saying that it wasn't a full-strength side, and that it's a marathon, not a sprint. He then stared at Hansen like he was about to land an uppercut to the chin before ripping his head off. It was awesome.
Better than Alan 'yes, I agree with you Alan' Shearer, anyway.
This is the part where we find out if we need a new crystal ball or not... (Remember it's 1 point getting either side of the score correct, 1 point for getting the outcome correct).
Arsenal 5-0 Derby (We said 3-0, 2 points)
Fulham 1-1 Man City (We said 1-1, 1 point)
Liverpool 2-0 Birmingham (We said 0-0, 1 point)
Middlesbrough 2-2 Sunderland (We said 2-2, cha-ching 3 points!)
Reading 2-1 Wigan (We said 1-1, and it was until the last minute, 1 point)
Aston Villa 2-0 Everton (We said 2-1, 2 points)
Blackburn 0-1 Portsmouth (We said 0-1, another 3 in the bag!)
Bolton 1-1 Spurs (We said 0-3, nil points)
Man Utd 2-0 Chelsea (We said 0-0, 1 point)
Newcastle 3-1 West Ham (We said 2-2, a dissappointing 0 points)
14/30 - Not bad. Better than Lawro who managed a measley 10. Can I get a job at the BBC yet? Anyone?
Chelsea, Wigan and Sunderland to win got you a tasty 39/1 shot with Ladbrokes. What was less tasty was the fact that none of these sides won.
Clearly, Wigan should have had a penalty, the ref was biased against Chelsea, and there was no legislation for Craig Gordon's poor keeping. All viable reasons for the solidness of last week's liquid bet. Maybe.
Apologies if you're out of pocket. If it's any consolation, so are we.
Newcastle starlet Jordan Thompson, aged 15 years old, tragically passed away this week after he lost his battle with Leukemia. He had been with the club since the age of 11, and was playing for the Under-16 side at the time. A minute's applause was held at a capacity St James Park before the Newcastle v West Ham game. The home side paid the perfect homage to him by running out 3-1 winners.
Our thoughts and sympathies go out to his family and friends.
Martin Cornelius Jol (yes that is his middle name) has stepped up to the plate as Soundbite Man of the Premier League following his 2 hilarious analogies at the weekend:
"I'm not Michael Jackson. I'm not a lover, I'm a fighter."
I'm sorry Tony Soprano, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that, with your heavy frame, you can neither dance nor make love well, but would probably make mince-meat out of the next football manager.
"When things are going well, you are in the bath, and it is warm. However, I'm out the bath now and it's cold out of the bath."
I think a cold shower is what you need.
It was a good weekend's football, with plenty of high-quality performances to choose from. Do you agree to disagree? Tell us who should have made the starting XI using the comments form.
GK - P Cech (CHE)
DF - D Higginbotham (SUN)
DF - N Vidic (MNU)
DF - L Ridgewell (BIR)
DF - A Taylor (MID)
MF - S Downing (MID)
MF - M Petrov (MNC)
MF - G Barry (AVL)
MF - C N'Zogbia (NEW)
ST - D Ashton (WHU)
ST - E Adebayor (ARS)
Player of the Week - Martin Petrov
Two superbly taken goals and an assist makes the Man City midfielder our Player of the Week. His inspired display caused havoc for Fulham, and was unfortunate not to be on a winning side.
Sorry Diaby and Bouazza, but this last-minute, equalising, dipping, swerving, top-corner volley was just too good to miss out. Check it out at 1:40.
OK, maybe crash and burn was a bit strong, but they look in serious trouble minus Mr Mourinho.
Man Utd ran out comfortable 2-0 winners over Chelsea in the weekend's main fixture, moving up to 2nd in the process. Obi-Mikel was harshly sent off in the first half, killing off whatever attacking threat the Blues had. A wonderful cross from Giggs was met by a poorly marked Tevez to give him his first goal for the club. Saha then won a penalty and converted it to make it 2-0. Read more about Chelsea's plight as they slip to 6th.
Arsenal destroyed Derby 5-0 thanks to a 1st professional hat-trick for Adebayor and the ever impressive Fabregas. He set up one and smashed in one from long range, however the pick of the goals was a 25 yard drive from lanky midfielder Diaby. The Rams at the bottom of the table, in want of better words, look screwed.
Another 3-3 thriller was played out at Craven Cottage in the game between Fulham and Man City. Simon Davies opener was cancelled out by Martin Petrov's shot, before a thunderous strike from Bouazza restored Fulham's lead. However, Emile Mpenza headed in the equaliser, and then the inspired Petrov took the lead for City with a great finish from a tight angle. But Danny Murphy came off the bench to grab the winner and restore parity. Fulham remain 17th while Man City drop to 3rd.
Liverpool played out their 3rd draw in a row and dropped to 4th against a stubborn Birmingham side. Rafa Benitez once again dropped Torres to the bench, trying to cover up his error with the excuse that 'Birmingham were tough through the middle and we needed wide players'. I see that starting with 2 centre forwards Voronin and Kuyt has clearly justified that remark.
Bolton and Spurs remain in 19th and 18th place respectively, after a 1-1 draw that does either side no favours. Jaaskelainen was on top form for the home side, but couldn't stop Robbie Keane's opener. Ivan Campo levelled with a header that left Robinson rooted. Surely time is almost up for all managers in the bottom 3?
Newcastle leapfrogged West Ham into 5th after an impressive 3-1 home victory. Viduka grabbed a double (including a 2-shinned tap in), before N'Zogbia grabbed the 3rd. Big Sam proceeded to celebrate by starting a mosh pit with his coaches (please tell me I wasn't the only one to see that). Obafemi Martins missed literally an open goal (curse him being in by fantasy team), while blonde bullet Dean Ashton grabbed the away side's only goal. The Hammers drop to 7th. Oh, and Owen injured himself (hardly news is it?).
Aston Villa jump above Everton on goal difference after winning 2-0 at home. Some comical headers from the Toffees allowed John Carew to open the scoring, before great awareness, control and finishing from young Agbonlahor secured the win. Both teams sit in 8th an 9th place.
Kanu's composed finish gave Pompey a 1-0 victory over Blackburn. The Nigerian beat 2 defenders and the keeper before sliding the ball past Samba on the line. Portsmouth join Rovers on 9 points in 11th and 10th place respectively.
Sunderland drew 2-2 at Middlesbrough, taking the lead through Leadbitter and equalising at the death thanks to a wonder strike from Liam Miller. Stuart Downing and Julio Arca scored for the home side, which leaves both teams mid-table.
Finally, Reading secured a vital 2-1 win over Wigan which lifts them out of the drop-zone. Dave Kitson and Marcus Bent traded strikes, before a fabulous reverse pass from Kitson found James Harper, who tucked it away in the dying minutes. Wigan drop 2 places to 12th.